Sunday, December 27, 2009

A Long Journey with MIL

First things first, I want to apologize to my readers for yesterdays post! My goodness that was a horrible day! Glad I slept on it and woke up in a better mood, still ain't got no money, but still in a better mood. I want to thank you all for being supportive and trying to cheer me up.

Now...lets talk about my MIL.

The year is 1991 and I am meeting new boyfriends mother for the first time. I was scared out of my mind. Biting my lip and fidgeting with my hair. I pause my man at the door to his childhood home and ask "Do we really have to do this?"

My previous MIL and I took about four years to get to like each other. I just knew this was a bad idea.

We walk in the door, I am holding strongly to his arm. Mostly for fear I would fall from my legs giving out on me. They were knocking!

Apparently she didn't know we was coming, cause we found her sitting in her room reading a book. I know I had to have looked like a deer caught in the headlights, cause she looked at me so intensely. It was as is I could read minds suddenly, cause hers was saying "Are you good enough for my only son? Are you a fling or are you going to let him fall for you and then break his heart?"

As this was all sinking into my brain and I was trying to muster up the courage to speak, in an instant I was suddenly forgotten and invisible to her. As if she had made the conclusion that I was just a fling and not worth the effort to get to know.
I'm sure her decision was based on the fact that I was 11 years younger than her son.

For the first three years of our relationship, his mother started to open up some doors of communication, very slowly. We even stayed at her house for three weeks (while having plumbing done on our house), this time with her didn't soften anything between us.

When hubby burnt his hands and arms in that third year, I had to call her. I guess her hearing the panic in my voice, made her realize that I truly loved her son. We then started getting a little closer. More civil and actually having short conversations! She has never been a big talker and I have accepted that, I felt blessed to even have her attention.

Eleven years into our relationship, hubby was in a accident at work and again I had to call her. Hubby had to have a couple of surgeries and stays in the hospital. His mother insisted I stay at her house and use her car to go back and forth to see him. This was huge turning point in our relationship. Even after hubby got out of the hospital she would come over nearly every two weeks to check on not just him, but both of us. I even started receiving Christmas presents from her.

Hubby and I got married in our fifteenth year (that was three years ago). His mother came up to me and said "Welcome to the family". I was standing there in shock and a little bit of hurt, like "What about the past fifteen years? Was I not part of the family all this time?" Thankfully I didn't get mad, or we would never have the relationship we have now.

The past three years have been wonderful. We talk and laugh and have WHOLE conversations. Who knew that piece of paper was so important to her!

This Christmas she presents me with a huge bag of presents. She had been shopping for me for months! That bag had over twenty presents in it and only three of those were for her son, I was amazed she had given me that much thought.

Thank goodness we made it through the first fifteen, cause I wouldn't trade these last three for nothing!


Ocean Girl said... [Reply to comment]

Nice interesting post. It is nice to have a nice mother-in-law.

Anonymous said... [Reply to comment]

Glad she came around!

Kathryn said... [Reply to comment]

Oh, I'm so happy for you...and proud of you for sticking it out! It's not easy to crack the shell of someone who doesn't want to be replaced in her son's life, I'm sure.

I'm glad you hung in there!

mindy@thesuburbanlife said... [Reply to comment]

Some of the best relationships are built on hard work. It sounds like you and your MIL have certainly earned yours! I'm glad that you are both at the place you need to be! Oh, and the 20-odd presents ain't so bad, either!
P.S. Glad you're feeling better. I was pretty pissy yesterday too. Something in the barometric pressure, maybe? =)

Heather said... [Reply to comment]

Ocean Girl...At least she is nice NOW!

Suzicate...slowly but surely!

Kathryn...Yup, I do think that was the biggest issue, her ONLY son.

Mindy...That bag of presents was awesome!
Seems like lots of people had the same kind of day. Maybe it was something to do with the pressure.