Wednesday, February 10, 2010
In my drunken days love meant a lot of physical affection..hugs, kisses, cuddling and of course sex. Trinkets of affection were the norm and were expected. With the lack of all this..I felt used, neglected and unloved.
I truly thought if my hubby didn't give me a passionate kiss or an extra long big hug or wanted to have sex with me at any moments notice or buy the trinkets to prove his love. That there was something wrong with our relationship. That he didn't love me.
It took a lot of years and getting off the bottle for me to realize these things are not necessary to know I am loved.
Hubby and I had a huge bump in the road of our relationship and that bump was me. My perception of what a relationship should have been was whacked out and soo far off of hubby's ideals. Mine was passion and sex and trinkets of affection, hubby's was friendship, companionship and being a team through this thing called life. Mine were short term and hubby's was long term.
Getting off the bottle helped my eyes to open, that my hubby tells me all the time that he loves me, not just with words but with the little things.
He's not a slob.
He's not abusive.
He's not a drunkard.
He helps me keep the house clean.
He does dishes on the weekends.
He works his tired old butt off to provide.
He doesn't go out spending money on trivial things.
We don't argue. In 18 years, he has only lost it 3 times.
He doesn't demand anything from me.
He makes me laugh all the time.
He takes care of all the auto stuff.
And he even takes out the trash.
There is more, but really we don't want to give him a huge head.
He of course, has his issues. NO, he is not a total saint.
When he is home the remote is under his control.
He wont go to the store for anything, not even a loaf of bread.
When he is on his way home, that is his only destination. He will not stop for any reason. This also applies to going anywhere, he must be told the agenda for the day. If it wasn't on the agenda, then it is not going to happen.
He hates doing the yard soo much, he would like to kill all the grass and pave the whole place over.
He is VERY slow about doing projects. At our old place, we designed and planned a nice porch, fifteen years later it still hadn't happened.
The list could go on and on...
We don't sleep in the same rooms anymore and cuddling is far and in between. We kiss, but I think we have forgotten what a french kiss is. The occasional hug is even more special than it ever was before. Sex is no longer a part of our lives and to tell you the truth, not having to deal with the old age effort, is one pressure we are happy to do without.
He has never bought'en me anything for Valentine's day, Anniversary or even my Birthday. It is not that he doesn't care, he just can't bring himself to going to the store (he has phobias). I do always get told Happy this or that, with a hug and a kiss and I love you.
I bought some flowers Saturday, came home and thanked him for them. If he had gone and got them..they would be no different, they would still be just as pretty. He (I) has excellent taste!!
Through all of his goods and bads, he never forgets to tell me he loves me before he goes to work (if I'm awake) or before he goes to bed.
Valentine's day has a different meaning in this house. For most all couples this is a time for love, romance and trinkets of affection. For us, it is his birthday! We almost always go to his mother's house to either..pick up his birthday cake and presents or to be at his birthday party.
I know we are a strange old couple, but we still love each other.
Happy Valentine's day everybody!!
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Posted by Heather at 12:38 AM