Soo, on Thursday August 29th the hubby calls me. Okay that is not an unusual thing he calls every now and then but mostly just to let me know he is on his way home so I can know when to start supper. Those are calls I appreciate BUT this call was of a different topic and of one that I never thought my hubby would bring up.
His long time friend was in need of a place to stay for awhile, he is homeless and fixen to get out of the hospital for depression. Can he stay with us?
I was uttered speechless! In the 22 years of knowing my hubby, he has never asked such a thing. Yes, we have had visitors who have stayed with us for a weekend or even a week but never have we had a guest that had no leaving date. Honestly what could I say but sure, I guess that would be alright. I was thinking the hubs must really want to help him or he wouldn't be asking.
I got busy cleaning up the house a bit and was trying to figure where in the world are we going to put him. I thought maybe the old army cot that is hidden away in the closet or maybe rearranging the living room to accommodate the queen air mattress dad had given us just a month ago. Hubby got home and we talked. He was already regretting saying yes. Honestly he was hoping I would have said no and then the decision would have been out of his hands (yes, folks he wanted me to be the bad guy!). What was done was done and we were going to have to make the best of it. Where do you want me to set him up at? Don't set up anything, he can sleep in the recliner, I don't want him getting too comfortable that he wont leave.
His friend showed up the next day. I had met him a few times through out the 22 years but hadn't seen him in at least 11 years. I swear, I hardly recognized him. He looked so worn and sullen compared to the soft and lively person we had known back then. Alcohol had really done a number on him. I had my time with the stuff and know all too well how bad it can get. This was probably a 8 1/2 out of 10 bad.
I made it VERY clear to the hubs that there was to be NO alcohol in this house, PERIOD. As hubby and I are both recovering alcoholics, I didn't want that stuff in my house. He did relay my message. When his friend went to hug me as soon as he walked in the door, I was on the verge of vomiting, the odor of alcohol on his breathe and in his sweat was soo overwhelming, it was sickening. I guess he thought since he wasn't going to be able to drink he would get in a really good one before he got here. He pretty much slept the days away (in the same funk he walked in the door with for over a week!), just waking long enough to pee and eat. I was seriously grossed out, he only showered twice the whole time!
My living room is... 2 chairs and a couch, coffee table and our only tv. 13 x 15 room, not very big, just right for the 2 of us. I had been booted out of my chair, mostly stuck in my office/kitchen area. I think I watched maybe 6 hrs of tv the whole time he was here. Hadn't had any decent conversations with my hubby in weeks.
Yes, folks he was with us for 3 weeks! But the hardest part was the not knowing if or when he was ever leaving. When the 2nd week rolled around, hubby asked if so-and-so would come and get him if he asked. The response was yes but then nothing happened. Hubby was getting angry, apparently his friend misunderstood him or was blatantly ignoring his request for so-and-so to come get him. 2 days later I was taking him to the store and I asked when so-and-so was coming to get him and he declared it would be the following Friday. I called hubby from the store to relay the somewhat good news...
Hubby says... she is 2 days late!!! LOL!
Okay before you go thinking that I am being very harsh and uncaring, I assure you that is not the case. Hubby and I live in a (maybe) 2 horse town. The job opportunities are nonexistent without transportation. Hubby and I both were shocked and very disappointed to find out he didn't have a car or even a license, there is literally no hope of finding something in his line of work way out here. Thankfully he did have some money to pay for his own smokes and non alcoholic beer (I caved slightly after seeing him sitting there shaking, it seemed to help him psychologically), he did provide for himself. He did clean up after himself, which I was truly grateful. We just didn't see anyway for him to get back on the right path being stuck out in the boonies with nothing to do and no prospects.
All I can say is that we tried to help him as best as we could. I helped him file for disability but that could take years to finally be approved. He had to make his way back to the big city if he was going to have any chance of finding his footing.
Honesty... I am glad that I have my house to myself again, glad that I get to spend time with my hubby again, but feel ohh soo guilty for being glad. I know we did all we could but it just feel like it was enough. Oh well, I will get over it. You can only help a person that is willing to help themselves instead of drowning life away in booze. When he is truly ready to throw down the bottle, then he will be more willing to get his life back on track.
There are times when I do consider myself on the lazy side. I put some chores off, I stay home most of the time, watch tv, mess around on the computer, crochet...etc. NOPE, I'm not all that lazy at all, I have seen the true definition of lazy and it is disturbing! He slept, ate, watched tv, the most exercise he got was walking back and forth to the fridge for his fake beer and going to the bathroom a million times!
I do wish him the best of luck and I am glad he was appreciative of us putting him up for a few weeks. Too bad it wasn't a life changing 3 weeks. It definitely was for us!!