Soooo, yesterday at 1pm I suddenly decided I was going to quit smoking. Excuse me while I yell at myself...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??? The responses to said announement was amazing and very helpful, but yet sorta like peer pressure. I definately worked for like the fist 7 hours and when I did slip, I was all like "Should I tell them? I need to tell them." I was disappointed in myself and fearful of disappointing all my cheerleaders. I got over it real quick, I mean yall are all great and such good sports to support me in this.
The way I see it...it was only one cig compared to the pack I didn't smoke. For me that was huge! I am a pack and a half a day smoker and have been smoking for 30 yrs. Lets not lose sight of the little miracle that happened yesterday...I decided to quit smoking. That in itself is words I never thought I would think more or less say and then try to do. Yes, I AM patting myself on the back, even though I am stumbling.
My hands are shaking, no make that my whole body is shaking. My head is killing me, no pain reliever has been able to touch it, so far. WHY have I decided to put myself through torture? Well for a few reasons...My breathing for one. Over the last few years I have noticed the difficulting in breathing has been getting slightly worse each year. To put into a nutshell, I'm scared.
The secondary reason is the expense. The expense has been a concern for some years now, but never has that been deterent enough to force me to quit. I have rolled my own, when times have called for it. Unfortunatly the "Money" I would be saving, won't be seen till next month. Just last week I bought the cig supply for the entire month.
Soo I have 4 cartons of cigs that are taunting me and driving me crazy! There is NO way I am going to throw them away, I mean that's like $165 bucks sitting there. IF hubby follows suite and quits too, then I guess I will have to find something to do with them, but if he doesn't then I guess I won't have to buy anymore for some time. Then maybe I will start to see some benifit.
As of right now, there is no benifit, there is misery, there is pain. Thinking of the future or even just down the road, isn't helping tha quake of right this minute.
Quitting drinking wasn't even this hard and I drank heavy for 23yrs!
Quitting drugs..yeah this is equal to that, if not more so.
Off to bed with my throbbing migraine...