Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I Hope to Beat This Smoking

Soooo, yesterday at 1pm I suddenly decided I was going to quit smoking. Excuse me while I yell at myself...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??? The responses to said announement was amazing and very helpful, but yet sorta like peer pressure. I definately worked for like the fist 7 hours and when I did slip, I was all like "Should I tell them? I need to tell them." I was disappointed in myself and fearful of disappointing all my cheerleaders. I got over it real quick, I mean yall are all great and such good sports to support me in this.

The way I see it...it was only one cig compared to the pack I didn't smoke. For me that was huge! I am a pack and a half a day smoker and have been smoking for 30 yrs. Lets not lose sight of the little miracle that happened yesterday...I decided to quit smoking. That in itself is words I never thought I would think more or less say and then try to do. Yes, I AM patting myself on the back, even though I am stumbling.

My hands are shaking, no make that my whole body is shaking. My head is killing me, no pain reliever has been able to touch it, so far. WHY have I decided to put myself through torture? Well for a few reasons...My breathing for one. Over the last few years I have noticed the difficulting in breathing has been getting slightly worse each year. To put into a nutshell, I'm scared.

The secondary reason is the expense. The expense has been a concern for some years now, but never has that been deterent enough to force me to quit. I have rolled my own, when times have called for it. Unfortunatly the "Money" I would be saving, won't be seen till next month. Just last week I bought the cig supply for the entire month.

Soo I have 4 cartons of cigs that are taunting me and driving me crazy! There is NO way I am going to throw them away, I mean that's like $165 bucks sitting there. IF hubby follows suite and quits too, then I guess I will have to find something to do with them, but if he doesn't then I guess I won't have to buy anymore for some time. Then maybe I will start to see some benifit.

As of right now, there is no benifit, there is misery, there is pain. Thinking of the future or even just down the road, isn't helping tha quake of right this minute.
Quitting drinking wasn't even this hard and I drank heavy for 23yrs!
Quitting drugs..yeah this is equal to that, if not more so.

Off to bed with my throbbing migraine...





Sigature,Heather

7 comments:

Joanie said... [Reply to comment]

Hang in there! I'm sorry you're suffering so much.

Can you sell the cigarettes? It would be great if your hubby quit too. Might make it easier. Then again, you're liable to want to kill each other!

I quit after smoking for 20 years. What I can't seem to do is stop biting my nails and lose weight.

kendrasue said... [Reply to comment]

Good luck with the quitting! And I'm with Joanie that I think you could probably sell them. Like on Craigslist or something. Good luck!

rockygrace said... [Reply to comment]

Oh my goodness - Please believe me when I tell you that it gets easier every single day. I quit a while back after smoking for thirty years, and now I can't even IMAGINE smoking again.

It gets easier! I promise!

~The South Dakota Cowgirl~ said... [Reply to comment]

You can do it! I know you can!

kathryn said... [Reply to comment]

Sweetie, it's hard but it's absolutely worth it! As an ex-smoker myself, I can tell you that it does get easier...and every day you manage to stumble through is one more you'll never have to deal with again.

Some tips:
Shake up your routine. Sit in a different spot at the table, go for a walk instead of watching tv, etc. If you keep trying to flw the same routine you did, you'll make it harder to quit. Make a NEW routine.

Tell yourself, "I'm only going to have to quit ONCE." And take it 1 day at a time.

I'd force myself to take the cash I'd be spending on cigs and put it in a clear jar where you can watch it GROW. And SELL those damn butts to someone! Get them OUT.

purplume said... [Reply to comment]

Oh best luck to you. I quit so many times. Finally I made it stick. There comes a time when you can't stand the smell of them anymore. Bless you.

SuziCate said... [Reply to comment]

Just keep telling yourself that you can do it!