Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Abuse is NOT Love.

Today I would like to talk about troubled relationships. Through out my life I have been the victim of several types of pain that was dealt to me.
Pain can be dealt in many forms.

There is emotional pain.
One mean look from a love one can inflict pain.
One turn of the back can inflict pain.
One roll of the eyes can inflict pain.
One's careless indifference can inflict pain.

These things happening over and over, will break your spirit and leave you feeling alone in a relationship with a person that has no regard for your feelings. The emotional pain varies from person to person, depending on how strong you are.

There is physical pain.
One push can inflict pain.
One pull of the hair can inflict pain.
One slap can inflict pain.
One punch can inflict pain.

These things happening over and over again, are a real good sign that you are in a very troubled relationship and it could very easily turn into a murder. Physical abuse is nothing to continually forgive. We try to teach our children not to hit, that violence is not okay, so is it okay to let your loved one hit on you? Physical pain/abuse is never okay!

There is verbal pain.
One curse word can inflict pain.
One argument can inflict pain.
One defamation of character can inflict pain.
One derogatory statement can inflict pain.

These things being said or yelled to you over and over again, are going to make you feel helpless. This is a form of making you feel worthless, incompetent and dependent. If you are made to feel these things, you should know that this is all about control. Not good at all!

These pains dealt constantly are....ABUSE!!

I have experienced these abuses and have seen them happen all the time. Spouses doing all they can to hurt one another. How can we possibly think these things are okay or have anything to do with love? The never ending question.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of the words "I love you". They are just words, it's the actions that straightens the truth or the lie in them. How many times are you going to accept the words "I'm sorry"? If they were truly sorry, then they would try with everything in them to never do it again. In abusive relationships, "I'm sorry" is used as an escape, not cause they truly are sorry.

How much are you willing to put up with and at what cost? Your life, your spirit, your soul? Would you be friends with a person that abuses you all the time? Then why would you stay with someone that does the exact same things?

These types of pains/abuses don't have any place in a relationship that is supposed to be about love. If there isn't enough love to make you want to cherish, treasure and PROTECT, then I would have to say the relationship isn't going to work.

Please...Please! If you are in an abusive relationship try to find one thing about yourself that is worth saving. May it be your life, spirit, soul, your children's well being, your children's mental health, your mental health or how about that smile that you've been hiding behind your tears...something, anything!

Please love yourself enough to save yourself! I did it, you can too!
(This post is meant for all persons: male or female.)


~The South Dakota Cowgirl~ said... [Reply to comment]

Heather- this is so true. I have been in one of these relationships and they are unhealthy. I learned to hate myself so much that I considered suicide. It is never okay to treat someone you love like that. EVER. Thank you for sharing and laying this on the table so eloquently. *hugs*

SuziCate said... [Reply to comment]

Excellent post, heather. Hopefully, if this applies to anyone who reads it they will recognize it and not continue to stay in the relationship.

Lucy said... [Reply to comment]

That is a powerful post conveying a great message.

Jimmy said... [Reply to comment]

I have been thinking of a post right along these same lines but you covered it all so well here my friend.

So many people suffer within a relationship like this and make excuses for how they are being treated, the abuse goes both directions and I know there are way too many women suffering from the abuses of their men, but as you pointed out this applies to males as well as females.

There are a lot of men who are too embarrassed to admit they are also a victim of abuse and endure it rather than escape from it, I agree if you are in a bad relationship you first have to admit it, then you need to run like hell and get yourself out because there is no excuse for anyone to be abused.

Well done Heather, this message needs to be shared and you did it well.

Angelia Sims Hardy said... [Reply to comment]

It's not easy to grow and learn in the ways in which you have to recognize abuse and to show what love is.
You have done an incredible job in this post. The benefit to others, the message, and the reaching out speaks volumes. I hope the one that needs it most finds your words and leads them to comfort and peace.

Just like you did and just like I did.

Excellent job Heather.

kathryn said... [Reply to comment]

Sweetie, this is a perfectly-worded post. It's obvious that you know your subject matter and have come out the other side a strong, independent woman. I'm so proud of you for wanting to give back and help others to be strong!

Carol said... [Reply to comment]

It is so easy when you end up in an abusive relationship to accept the blame, to feel that if only "I" change a little bit, if only "I" do this or that, all will be better. Sometimes it takes a long time to come to the realization that it won't and to take the only responsibility that makes sense in that kind of relationship: get out. Being alone is not the end of the world.

f8hasit said... [Reply to comment]

Thank you Heather for your post. Fact is, I printed it out and posted it on my wall next to my desk. That way anytime I feel like slacking back into the muck that I've just extricated myself from...I'll turn, read your words and say..."Yeah. I don't think so."


Stephanie Faris said... [Reply to comment]

There are various kinds of abuse, too. I was in a relationship that was very toxic...he never hit me and really wasn't verbally abusive in a way that was dangerous...he just tended to say things when he got angry, like "Shut the f--- up" that I felt were inappropriate. The relationship lasted 10 months and deteriorated SO badly toward the end. To this day, he's still alone while I'm happily married. He's just one of those people who can't really interact with other human beings in an appropriate manner so he's better off alone.

Rose said... [Reply to comment]

fantastic post. unfortunately, women remain in an abusive relationship too long or don't leave. breaking the types of abuse was well explained. have a good day. rose

Anonymous said... [Reply to comment]

Excellent post Heather! Great job!