Abuse is NOT Love.

Today I would like to talk about troubled relationships. Through out my life I have been the victim of several types of pain that was dealt to me.
Pain can be dealt in many forms.

There is emotional pain.
One mean look from a love one can inflict pain.
One turn of the back can inflict pain.
One roll of the eyes can inflict pain.
One's careless indifference can inflict pain.

These things happening over and over, will break your spirit and leave you feeling alone in a relationship with a person that has no regard for your feelings. The emotional pain varies from person to person, depending on how strong you are.

There is physical pain.
One push can inflict pain.
One pull of the hair can inflict pain.
One slap can inflict pain.
One punch can inflict pain.

These things happening over and over again, are a real good sign that you are in a very troubled relationship and it could very easily turn into a murder. Physical abuse is nothing to continually forgive. We try to teach our children not to hit, that violence is not okay, so is it okay to let your loved one hit on you? Physical pain/abuse is never okay!

There is verbal pain.
One curse word can inflict pain.
One argument can inflict pain.
One defamation of character can inflict pain.
One derogatory statement can inflict pain.

These things being said or yelled to you over and over again, are going to make you feel helpless. This is a form of making you feel worthless, incompetent and dependent. If you are made to feel these things, you should know that this is all about control. Not good at all!

These pains dealt constantly are....ABUSE!!

I have experienced these abuses and have seen them happen all the time. Spouses doing all they can to hurt one another. How can we possibly think these things are okay or have anything to do with love? The never ending question.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of the words "I love you". They are just words, it's the actions that straightens the truth or the lie in them. How many times are you going to accept the words "I'm sorry"? If they were truly sorry, then they would try with everything in them to never do it again. In abusive relationships, "I'm sorry" is used as an escape, not cause they truly are sorry.

How much are you willing to put up with and at what cost? Your life, your spirit, your soul? Would you be friends with a person that abuses you all the time? Then why would you stay with someone that does the exact same things?

These types of pains/abuses don't have any place in a relationship that is supposed to be about love. If there isn't enough love to make you want to cherish, treasure and PROTECT, then I would have to say the relationship isn't going to work.

Please...Please! If you are in an abusive relationship try to find one thing about yourself that is worth saving. May it be your life, spirit, soul, your children's well being, your children's mental health, your mental health or how about that smile that you've been hiding behind your tears...something, anything!

Please love yourself enough to save yourself! I did it, you can too!
(This post is meant for all persons: male or female.)

A Long Journey with MIL

First things first, I want to apologize to my readers for yesterdays post! My goodness that was a horrible day! Glad I slept on it and woke up in a better mood, still ain't got no money, but still in a better mood. I want to thank you all for being supportive and trying to cheer me up.

Now...lets talk about my MIL.

The year is 1991 and I am meeting new boyfriends mother for the first time. I was scared out of my mind. Biting my lip and fidgeting with my hair. I pause my man at the door to his childhood home and ask "Do we really have to do this?"

My previous MIL and I took about four years to get to like each other. I just knew this was a bad idea.

We walk in the door, I am holding strongly to his arm. Mostly for fear I would fall from my legs giving out on me. They were knocking!

Apparently she didn't know we was coming, cause we found her sitting in her room reading a book. I know I had to have looked like a deer caught in the headlights, cause she looked at me so intensely. It was as is I could read minds suddenly, cause hers was saying "Are you good enough for my only son? Are you a fling or are you going to let him fall for you and then break his heart?"

As this was all sinking into my brain and I was trying to muster up the courage to speak, in an instant I was suddenly forgotten and invisible to her. As if she had made the conclusion that I was just a fling and not worth the effort to get to know.
I'm sure her decision was based on the fact that I was 11 years younger than her son.

For the first three years of our relationship, his mother started to open up some doors of communication, very slowly. We even stayed at her house for three weeks (while having plumbing done on our house), this time with her didn't soften anything between us.

When hubby burnt his hands and arms in that third year, I had to call her. I guess her hearing the panic in my voice, made her realize that I truly loved her son. We then started getting a little closer. More civil and actually having short conversations! She has never been a big talker and I have accepted that, I felt blessed to even have her attention.

Eleven years into our relationship, hubby was in a accident at work and again I had to call her. Hubby had to have a couple of surgeries and stays in the hospital. His mother insisted I stay at her house and use her car to go back and forth to see him. This was huge turning point in our relationship. Even after hubby got out of the hospital she would come over nearly every two weeks to check on not just him, but both of us. I even started receiving Christmas presents from her.

Hubby and I got married in our fifteenth year (that was three years ago). His mother came up to me and said "Welcome to the family". I was standing there in shock and a little bit of hurt, like "What about the past fifteen years? Was I not part of the family all this time?" Thankfully I didn't get mad, or we would never have the relationship we have now.

The past three years have been wonderful. We talk and laugh and have WHOLE conversations. Who knew that piece of paper was so important to her!

This Christmas she presents me with a huge bag of presents. She had been shopping for me for months! That bag had over twenty presents in it and only three of those were for her son, I was amazed she had given me that much thought.

Thank goodness we made it through the first fifteen, cause I wouldn't trade these last three for nothing!

Promises of Forever

I know Hubby and I can't be the only people, that find the following statements of gushing adoration in the form of promises to be ridiculous and actually lies.

They are in fairy tales we read to our children, a crap load of movies, even in a lot of peoples wedding vows, just to name a few!

These won't seem like lies, but if you really think about them, even in the best relationships, they are lies.

You be the judge:


I will love you forever...Oh, so that means when I die, you wont be taking on another spouse or even a lover. If I die tomorrow, forever is aloooong time!

I will be with you for the rest of my life...Oops I forgot, you might die before me. I guess if I'm to keep this promise, then I'm going to have to hang your ashes around my neck till I die or sit next to your grave for the rest of my life.

I will never leave you...That means we will both be dying at the exact same moment, Right?

I will follow you to the ends of the Earth...Oh, so the other day when I asked you to go to the grocery store with me and you said NO, you broke your promise! Where is the ENDS of the Earth, anyways?

Where you go, I go...In the end, if you don't stop lying, you won't be going where I'm going! AND stop following me to the bathroom!

I want to spend eternity with you...Ohhh so you are a vampire and are going to recruit me. So we can Live and Live and Live...

I will never love anyone but you...Not even your parents or even your children, NOW I know your lying!

They lived happily ever after...I'm sure Sleeping Beauty was not all that happy, living out the rest of her elderly years without Prince Charming. Which most women do out live their spouses.

I'm sure there is a whole lot more of these types of promises, I just can't stomach to think of any more.

Why do people subject their loved ones with this stuff?

I used to say such things to my first hubby and after that not working out, I realized...

Unless you have a crystal ball looking into the future...

How can anyone honestly promise something about the future?

If we promise our love forever, then marriage should be a breeze! There should be no such thing as divorce.

I mean really, how many past relationships have had these promises in them? If these weren't lies, then they wouldn't be past relationships, they would be current ones and you would have to die at the same exact moment to keep them.

I think life would get pretty stale, if we just knew for a fact based on a promise that our relationships were going to last FOREVER.

Hubby has to work for my love and I have to work for his. Everyday!

If you think I'm wrong, tell me so!
If you think I am touched in the head, well tell me that too!

P.S. Hubby and I are just fine!
This a topic we are in agreement on.