Morons Hurt too

When I met my hubby I was thrilled to know he had kids but then disappointed to learn that he wasn't in their lives. I had always secretly hoped that one day this would change. Slowly this did change with the oldest, found the son and then the youngest found hubby. Things were starting to look like somewhat of a family. Not so distant after all. I guess with my experience of an absent mother, then a dreaded step mom, I learned to keep to myself and have found it very difficult to extend that closeness that some want. I do have a huge tender spot for the grandkids but most of the time feel like I am a fake, imposter, unwanted extra family member. Honestly since I haven't birthed or raised any children, I am at a loss as to how to be or not to be. I know some parents, step parents and in laws that are all up in their grown kids business. I have always disliked that and well frankly wouldn't know how to be like that. With grown step kids, I honestly don't know them all that well. I guess I don't know how to get people to open up to me or vise versa for that matter. I want to but don't know how to be the "Pushy" one. I'm not the type to reach out and impose my presence onto a person and of course neither is my hubby. Hubby being an absentee father with all of his kids, doesn't know how to be any different than what he is. A laid back recluse or hermit if you will. He is the type that if he has something he needs to talk with you about then yes he will painstakenly use the blasted phone. He is not a sit on the phone chatting the day away kinda person. If "they" (anyone, not just the kids) want to talk to me then they would call. Heck he doesn't even call his own mother (who he loves dearly)! Unfortunately, this is the total opposite than want one wants. What they really want is their father and for him to be better than what he is. Sadly, he doesn't know how to be more than what he is and for some that is just not enough. I know that feeling all to well. My expectations for my birth mother were crushed and I hate to know that I am party to those feelings for one of his kids. BUT I got a hard lesson on how it feels to be on the side of not living up to expectations. Let's just say it hurts just as bad, if not worse. I "DO" understand the other side of it and totally agree we are morons on how to impose ourselves. Sorry I can't continue...

Mother's Day

I guess most of you are mothers and are going to be waiting to see what you got or where you are going to be taken. Perhaps you are the one that is going to be doing something for your mother or you'll be waiting by the phone in hopes of that phone call from one of you kids. Soo many ways we celerbrate this day.

For myself I will be spending the day with my bf while she sits and waits for that phone call from her son who probably already sent her some flowers. Then it's on to visit with daughter Jennifer and the grandsons. Most of our Mother's days are spent with hubby's mom, a lunch at Luby's or her favorite seafood joint. Apparently that is not going to happen this year, if it is..then we wasn't told about it.

Do you see a pattern here, my mother! Where is she in all this? Well...I just saw my mother last week and the week before. I already gave her her presents (I should be good till Christmas (jk mom)). It is kinda sad that I have never been able to see her or spend time with her ON Mother's day, but I know she understands. (I hope she understands) Besides, my brother is taking her out for dinner.
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How interesting. I just looked up Mother's day in Wikipedia and was surprised and intruiged that the first idea of Mother's day was not as it is today. What started out as a protest of war with the Mother's Day Proclamation and then a more personal celebration of mothers (introduced by Anna Jarvis and passed by President Woodrow Wilson in 1914), became a commercialized holiday. Anna hated what became of her holiday so much she spent the rest of her life protesting against her own creation.

Very interesting reads if you have the time.
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Well anyway I do hope you all get the Mother's day you are wishing for and have a happy one!

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Family Reunion - Part Two

Just thought I would share some pics of our weekend.

Family Reunion - Day One

Friday evening I was a ball of anxiety and excitement. I felt like I wasn’t getting anything done or prepared right. Thankfully hubby went through the check list and we confirmed everything was A. Okay. BUT of course I still had that nagging little voice in my head that I was forgetting something. I had to walk away and turn it down to a whisper just so I could try to get to sleep. I slept four hours and walked out to the living room to find hubby still up. I asked him what was the matter and his reply was “I’m too excited to sleep!”

For my hubby this day was a lifelong dream that was finally coming true. All of his kids and grandkids together at last. It’s a miracle he slept at all! I had to remind him that if he didn’t get SOME sleep then he wouldn’t be able to make it through the day. That got him to sleep! BUT I had to wake him at 5 am to get the brisket fire going. Then I went back to sleep.

Hubby woke me with “They’re on their way!!” Son called to let him know and get directions. Hubby told me the directions he gave and I briefly said “They’re going to get lost”

The rain had been threatening to pour down all morning, but I don’t think anything could have dampened our moods. It did drizzle and then sprinkle, each passing wave of moisture seemed to be harder than the one before.

We got everything ready and waited. Hubby was outside sitting on the patio and I was pacing all over the place. I looked down at hubby and asked are you still so excited and all I got was a shake of his head and a grin, but his eyes never wavered from the gate. It was like he was using all his will power to force a car, any car to come on in. I was getting worried, yeah I can’t help myself. I called to see how far they are. AH, they stopped at the store. I told her she didn’t have to bring anything but I sure am glad she didn’t listen to me.

The girls and their families arrived and yes we were all having a wonderful time seeing each other and learning about the grandkids and life at home, but you could tell we were all waiting anxiously for the main event. The son and family that none of us have met. Well that is, except for hubby. Hubby was there when son was a baby and toddler, but had only seen him once since and that was nearly 10 years ago. The girls and I have talked to them on the phone and corresponded through Facebook, but it’s just not the same as getting to hug someone and experiencing them in real life.

It had been another hour since I talked to them and they still hadn’t arrived. Yup I knew it…they were lost! Not badly though, they were here before the kids and I could get to the stop sign. I quickly ushered all the kids back, I couldn’t wait to get son and family in my arms!

The day was wonderful with lots of food, hugs, catching up and playing around. Hubby smiled from ear to ear all day long!! He was having a glorious day; rain had no affect on his moment!

The kids and I went for a short walk, but if you ask Bryan he will tell you it was a long walk! We played, climbed, walked and talked. We did some Baby Shower Bingo, lots of fun there! Then the computer got turned on and let the games begin! Lots of fun playing with the umbrellas in the rain. The umbrellas didn’t survive, but I’m glad nobody got hurt while playing with them. Yes, I was a little worried of that.

There were tiffs and there were tantrums and even an ant attack, but all in all it went really well for eight kids in my small trailer and yard. Funny how what I perceived to be a large trailer and yard doesn’t appear to be with nearly 20 people in and around it.

Granny and Aunt D arrived and I have to say watching the reunion from that perspective was very touching. Seeing granny play Free Cell with her great granddaughter was awesome. Four generations in one house, I honestly never thought it was going to happen. We are so grateful that the kids pulled this off, they are the ones that planned it.
AND from my understanding there is already one in the works for next year. Fingers crossed!!!! I’m going to start saving NOW!

The day started too wined down and granny had already left. The younger grandkids were starting to look kinda tired and so was I! I rushed everyone outside while the rain had given us a break and tried to get some family group shots. I did get some good spousal shots, but I do wish I had managed to get some individual family group shots. You should have seen how difficult it was to get a pic with all eight kids in it. That was a riot! Hubby wanted a whole clan pic, but that didn’t happen either. Maybe next year!

I was under the assumption that this was it, we weren’t going to get to see them again till next year, thankfully somebody told me that the plans had changed and we were all meeting up at granny’s house tomorrow. So letting everyone leave wasn't nearly as painful as I was prepared for it to be.

One last thing… A huge thanks to daughter K! That girl cleaned up my whole kitchen, even though I was continually protesting that it wasn’t necessary. Oh and for not listening to me about bringing anything, she made the most delicious cheesecake dessert I have ever had! Can’t wait to get the recipe!

Thanks to everybody for coming and making history happen! I loved every minute we got to spend together!

A Momentous Moment In Our Family History Is Happening TODAY!!

Well today is the day I have been waiting for since I meet the hubby.

Hubby has 3 children all by different mothers and we have had somewhat of a relationship with the oldest daughter and just in the last few years a great relationship with the youngest daughter. BUT we have never been able to have any relationship with his son.

Hubby got to meet him once a while back, but I will be meeting him for the first time ever TODAY! Noonish to be precise! Not only will I get to meet him, but also our daughter in law and our grandson. Oh I should mention that we will also be meeting another grandson from the oldest daughter.

The last time we saw her, she had just given birth to her 3rd child, now there are 4.

We have missed so much in all of their growing up, I hate that but you can't change the past only the future.

This is going to be a momentous moment in the history of our family. All three kids in the same place! The girls will be meeting their brother and his little family for the first time also!

All the grandkids will be meeting each other too!

Can ya tell I am excited, well I am!!

Nervous too. I don't know why but I am.

This is history in the making folks and I am blessed to have it happen, finally!

Will have all the details for you next week.

Gotta go wake the grumpy old man to get the fire started for the brisket. Yumm..BBQ!